Paul’s instructions for Christian households.
Wives and husbands
Children and fathers
Slaves and masters
Employees and employers
The overarching theme is that all relationships within a Christian context should be governed by the principles of love, respect, and a recognition of Christ’s Lordship over all aspects of life.
Colossians 3:18-25 NLT
Instructions for Christian Households
18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord.
19 Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly.
20 Children, always obey your parents, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged.
22 Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything you do. Try to please them all the time, not just when they are watching you. Serve them sincerely because of your reverent fear of the Lord. 23 Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. 24 Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ. 25 But if you do what is wrong, you will be paid back for the wrong you have done. For God has no favorites.
Examine the Scriptures:
Colossians 3:18-25 NLT
Instructions for Christian Households
18 Wives, submit to your husbands,
The word “submit” in this context refers to a willing, respectful, and cooperative attitude, not inferiority.
In the current culture, many wives were treated as “property”. This kind of submission would be a new concept for many of the current husband/wife relationships at this point in time.
Note:
1 Corinthians 11:3 NLT
3 But there is one thing I want you to know: The head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.
Submission is not a bad thing.
Christ submits to the Father.
This is not a one-way street.
Verses 18 & 19 go together.
as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord.
“Fitting” means “appropriate” or “suitable” for someone who follows Jesus.
A wife is not obligated to follow her husband’s leadership if it conflicts with Biblical principles.
The same principle found in Ephesians.
Ephesians 5:21-24 NLT
21 And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
(mutual submission)
22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. 24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.
- Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord.
This submission is not blind obedience or inferiority, but rather a relational posture that reflects Christ-centered humility. It’s within the context of mutual love and respect, not domination.
19 Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly.
The husband’s role is not authoritarian but one of love and sacrifice (echoing Ephesians 5:25).
The husband’s love must be gentle, not overbearing or cruel.
At the time this was written, husbands had legal and societal authority, Paul balances the prior verse with a call to love. The Greek word for love here is agapao—sacrificial love. It challenges cultural norms by demanding gentleness and respect, reflecting Christ’s love for the Church.
Violence, threats, and unkind words are not acceptable in a Christian home.
Ephesians 5:25-29 NLT
25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. 27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. 28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. 29 No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church.
- Husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loved the church.
- The relationship between husbands and wives is meant to mirror Christ and the church—a dynamic of love, honor, and mutual care.
20 Children, always obey your parents, for this pleases the Lord.
Ephesians 6:1-3 NLT
6:1 Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do. 2 “Honor your father and mother.” This is the first commandment with a promise: 3 If you honor your father and mother, “things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth.”
Exodus 20:12 NLT
12 “Honor your father and mother. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the Lord your God is giving you.
- Children should be taught to honor and obey their parents.
This obedience assumes that the parents are acting within the bounds of Christian love and wisdom. Obedience does not extend to things that contradict God’s commands.
Acts 5:29 NLT
29 But Peter and the apostles replied, “We must obey God rather than any human authority.
21 Fathers, do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged.
Ephesians 6:4 NLT
4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.
This principle applies to both parents.
- Fathers, do not provoke or frustrate your children by the way you treat them.
Paul is not saying to avoid correction or discipline. Rather, he encourages a balance—discipline guided by love, patience, and affirmation.
- Overly strict or unfair treatment can crush a child’s spirit, leading to resentment or apathy.
22 Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything you do.
Colossians 4:9 NLT
9 I am also sending Onesimus, a faithful and beloved brother, one of your own people. He and Tychicus will tell you everything that’s happening here.
Note:
Most likely Paul wrote Philemon at the same time as Colossians and sent it to Colosse with the same travelers, Onesimus and Tychicus. He apparently wrote both letters from prison.
Paul wrote this letter to Philemon, a believer in Colosse who, along with others, was a slave owner. One of his slaves, Onesimus, had apparently stolen from him and then run away, which under Roman law was punishable by death. But Onesimus met Paul and through his ministry became a Christian. Now he was willing to return to his master, and Paul writes this personal appeal to ask that he be accepted as a Christian brother.
Ephesians 6:5-9 NLT
Slaves and Masters
5 Slaves, obey your earthly masters with deep respect and fear. Serve them sincerely as you would serve Christ. 6 Try to please them all the time, not just when they are watching you. As slaves of Christ, do the will of God with all your heart. 7 Work with enthusiasm, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. 8 Remember that the Lord will reward each one of us for the good we do, whether we are slaves or free.
9 Masters, treat your slaves in the same way. Don’t threaten them; remember, you both have the same Master in heaven, and he has no favorites.
- Obey those in authority over you with deep respect and fear.
- Christian faith establishes relationships that change the nature of the social structure.
Philemon 15-16 NLT
15 It seems you lost Onesimus for a little while so that you could have him back forever. 16 He is no longer like a slave to you. He is more than a slave, for he is a beloved brother, especially to me. Now he will mean much more to you, both as a man and as a brother in the Lord.
Try to please them all the time, not just when they are watching you.
- True integrity means working diligently even when no one is watching.
Serve them sincerely because of your reverent fear of the Lord. 23 Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.
This is a powerful reminder that our ultimate Master is Jesus, not earthly authorities.
- Our ultimate Master is Jesus, not earthly authorities.
24 Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ.
- All Christians, both slave and free, serve a higher master, Christ, whose will is paramount.
25 But if you do what is wrong, you will be paid back for the wrong you have done. For God has no favorites.
- God holds us accountable for our actions.
God judges fairly, regardless of status—there is accountability for everyone.
Christ-centered living transforms every relationship.
Authority should be exercised with love and responsibility.
- All relationships within a Christian context should be governed by the principles of love, respect, and a recognition of Christ’s Lordship over all aspects of life.
